After a year of working almost every evening on our farmhouse remodel, we finally moved in! I was elated. Looking to the upcoming year, I envisioned a slower, less hectic pace. However, my husband saw a different future, and promptly brought home three bucket calves. And thus our cattle farming adventure got off to a very bumpy start. But there is one part of family farming that my husband and I both agreed on! Farming builds character in your kids. So let’s chat about raising kids with grit and how you can raise hard working farm kids even if you live in town.

8 Lessons to Raising Kids with Farm Kid Resiliency

For years, I taught a class for parents of teens and their teenagers, who struggled with school attendance issues. One of the questions that I heard over and over was, “How do I get my teen to be more responsible even if I live in town?” Many parents had heard stories of how farm kids help out more and work harder. Some of the parents were even raised in the country. But they were unsure how to mimic those same lessons for their kids.

Today, I am going to break it all down to show how farming truly creates grit and resiliency in kids. I’ll gives you lots of ideas and tips how you can use those same lessons in your own home, as you raise your kids!

Teach Kids to Work Hard

On the farm, chores aren’t just tasks; they are actual jobs that have to be done to care for the land and the animals. When kids are expected to show up and work, they learn the value of hard work. They see how their work is valuable, how it makes things better for the whole family, and they feel the pride that comes from pushing through to finish a job.

To teach your kids to work hard make sure that they have actual jobs around the house. Too often parents only expect their kids to keep their room clean and that is it. But kids are so much more capable than that. And too much free time leads to discontentment and boredom. Instead, look at the jobs that have to be done and gradually move your kids into a position of responsibility.

Kids can help cook simple meals, declutter a closet, wash and fold laundry, mow the lawn, make a birthday cake for a sibling, unpack the groceries, vacuum the floors, sweep the porch, water the plants, feed the animals, unload the dishwasher, watch a sibling, tend the garden, and wash pots and pans. And if your teens are displaying more skills in certain areas, give them more opportunities in that same area.

Ways to Pass On a Hard Work Ethic:

• Raise kids to work hard teaches invaluable life lessons in responsibility. So whether it is school work or house work encourage your kids to put forth their best effort.
• Chores are more than tasks; they’re essential to developing strong, responsible individuals.
• Homestead skills prepare kids for a successful transition into adulthood by fostering resilience and teaching real life skills such as cooking, canning, sewing, fixing cars, woodworking, budgeting, and construction.
• Teach kids to value property. On the farm, kids learn that if you break the gate or the equipment then it has to be fixed. Instruct your kids to care for their home and to value other people’s property.

Work Together as a Family

On a farm, teamwork isn’t just a concept; it’s the very backbone of daily life. It takes all of us to get the job done. Our cattle farm has grown from a few momma cows and some bucket calves to a thriving cow/calf operation. And due to the size of the operation, it has forced us to work closely together for years. To keep cattle fed in winter, care for a sick calf, move a herd, or work on fencing, it demands cooperation and coordination.

Find Ways to Work Together as a Family

But before we had cattle, we had other projects that caused us to pull together.

• Camping – Taking family camping trips requires everyone to get the car packed, tents set up, fires tended, and dishes washed.
• Building Projects – One summer we built a pond. Another year, we remodeled our house. Everyone had to pitch in to keep the project moving forward and still keep the household running.
• Volunteering – Some families love to serve others. So pick a few volunteer opportunities a year to give back to your school, community or church. For years, we helped with Operation Christmas Child collection in November and loved it.
• Host Get Togethers – Having people over for events and get togethers can be stressful. But it also builds muscles in the area of hospitality, cooking, cleaning, and thinking of others.
• Grow a Garden – Planning and planting a garden takes a variety of skills. After many years, we have realized that our garden works best when we all pull together doing what we love best. I love to harvest and can our vegetables, but I’m a terrible weeder. My daughter loves to plan the garden and care for it as it grows. And my husband enjoys mapping out the actual garden and making sure it’s planted properly!
• Start a Family Side Hustle – Is there a small business that your family could start that the kids could gradually become a part of? Make a little extra money for your family while you teach your family about entrepreneurship and working together!

Farm Kids Experience Natural Consequences

Farm kids see and feel natural consequences quickly. If the gate is left open, cows escape and everyone spends hours getting the cattle back. If the water is left running, because a kid walked off and forgot to turn it off, a huge water bill is left to pay. This isn’t a reality you can easily replicate in an urban setting. But there are plenty of natural consequences that you can allow your kids and teenagers to face.

Instead of rescuing or fixing problems for your kids, allow them to face the natural consequences. If their teacher places a consequence on them, help them work through the consequence, not around it! If they forget to work on a project, don’t rush to stay up all night to finish it for them.

Allowing your kids to face consequences placed by others, helps them to sharpen their skills. They will learn to weigh out their choices, get better at remembering things, and take more responsibility. At times, it is good to step in and offer your kids grace and help, but that should be the exception not the common occurrence.

Do you REALLY struggle with allowing your tweens and teens to face consequences? Well, I wrote a whole book that is just FOR YOU:) My book, Raising Responsible and Resilient Teens: 10 Secret Parenting Solutions That Work, breaks it all down for you! And it is a quick read. Grab your must read copy here over on Amazon!

Family Centered, Not Kid Centered

This might be the hardest farm lesson to mimic, but it is one of the most important, so here goes!

One major lesson that farm kids learn is that the world does not revolve around them. Kids witness that sometimes they come first and sometimes they don’t. Their events such as play dates, activities, special events may come first some days. But there are plenty of times when there is a big job that must be done, such as finishing baling hay before the rain hits.

Once, on our daughter’s ninth birthday, I was driving back to our house having picked up our daughter’s friends. My husband called me to say that we had a dehydrated calf, and he needed me to swing back to town for some colostrum milk for the calf. So with five giggling nine year-olds in tow, I headed back to town. Her party was delayed about an hour as we took care of the calf. But it was what had to be done. And soon enough we were back on track celebrating our daughter.

This past summer, we decided to raise and sell sweet corn. That meant that we were all stumbling out the door, as the sun was coming up, to pick corn. Our now teen daughter would often help pick corn, then go home and get ready to go work her part-time job by 10 am. Other mornings, cows had to be loaded by 9am to make it to the processor on time. There is a give and take as the family works to get the job done while still allowing time for activities and special occasions.

Modern families are often focused on so many activities and travel sports that the whole family circles around the kids’ activities. The kids’ happiness and “success” is the focus. And though it sounds good on paper, and may work for a few families, creating a situation where life revolves around your children leads to unrealistic expectation as they get older.

As you look at raising your children, have seasons and times when what they want comes secondary to the good of the family. If your family is exhausted from going and going, then choose a sport team that travels less, even if it isn’t as “great” as the other team. Say no to spending money on your kids that you don’t have or on something that is just an extra. Plan to help others or show up for relatives even if its not convenient.

This approach, of family first, far from stifling, will actually prepare your children to face schedule changes and others needs. Your kids will be happier, more empathetic to others, and less entitled.

Kids Witness Family Overcoming Hard Times

One of our boys was not happy with us when we started renovating what became our third home. The house was over a hundred years old and had been sitting empty for the last 5 years. It was a mess! But the old house was on 11 desirable acres back a long lane. It was a fantastic deal, but a ton of work. And our strong teenage son helped with a lot of the grunt work.

Four years later, our son, then in college, witnessed us sell the farmhouse for a great return. And the light clicked. All the hard work we had done as a family had paid off. What seemed insurmountable at the time had moved our family forward!

Our daughter who is still at home has witnessed countless challenges. We have experienced drought, flooding, cattle dying, and moving our cattle business to another state. She has even had to live in a camper for countless weekends as we worked on our latest house. The ups and downs of our farming journey has allowed our kids to see that obstacles and set-backs can be overcome.

Overcome Hard Times with Your Kids

• Share with your family about challenges you made it through. Tell them the stories about the time God brought you through a hard time.
• Keeping laughing in hard times. When bad news hits, it can knock you flat. But after a day or so get back to working the problem, share a few details as appropriate with your kids, and even have a few laughs in the hard times.
• Show up and move forward. We didn’t have any electric or water for most of our recent house build. It was hard not to worry if we would ever get utilities, but we kept building our house believing it would happen eventually!

Farming Encourages Ingenuity

I have witnessed that farm life brings out an unique type of ingenuity in kids. The daily unpredictability requires not just a solid work ethic but a creativity in tackling the unexpected. From pulling a ATV or truck out of a ditch to loading an ornery cow, kids on a farm must think on their feet.

It’s not simply about following instructions, farm life requires you to come up with a solution. When problems seem overwhelming, farm life shows kids that you have to keep at the problem til you figure it out. As a result of finding solutions to problems, farm kids grow into resilient, responsible teenagers and, eventually, successful adults able navigate any challenge life throws their way.

As you raise your resilient kids, here are some tips to keep in mind.

• Involve the whole family in finding a solution, when your family faces a challenge.
• Help your kids and teens see their options when they are faced with a tough situation at school, work , or home.
• Don’t allow your kids to drop out of a sport, project, or activity just because it got hard. Cheer them on to finish what they started.
• Find a way with your kids or teen to earn money for a camp, concert, or event they want to attend. Instead of just handing your kids money, brainstorm with them on a way they can earn and save.

Empathy for Others

Farm kids, from an early age, learn that every creature plays a role in the grand scheme of things. This understanding blossoms into a deep respect for life. While farming does allow for more interactions with animals, parents can foster this empathy by putting your kids in a situation where they have to think of others.

• Small domestic animals or chickens will allow your kids to witness and learn first hand to care for an animal. Just make sure to do your research to pick animals that fir with your family and lifestyle.
• Babysit cousins or other family’s kids. With the big age gap between our youngest and oldest sons, I worried that our daughter would not understand how to care for younger kids. By offering to watch my nephew occasionally, my daughter got more experience.
• Allow your kids to witness death. Family pets and farm animals die. Instead of hiding it from your kids, talk about it with them, and make time to grieve.

Witnessing the fragility of life and the responsibility we have towards other beings will shape your children into considerate and responsible young adults.

Farm Life Teaches Kids to Be Self-Directed

On a farm, you have to always be looking around to see what need to happens next. Does a gate need to be opened so the tractor can go through. Is an animal out of water? Did a family member get held up working outside and there is a job in the house that won’t get done unless someone else steps up?

Tips to Encourage Kids to be Self-Direction

While self-direction is a skill learned later, especially for some kids, it is still a goal for us as parents to work toward.

• Expect your kids to see the next step by praising them when they look ahead.
• Tell your kids the plan for the day so they can better understand what needs to happen.
• Give out jobs to each person so your kids and teens will know what they are in charge of doing.
• STOP doing everything for your kids, even if you prefer it done a certain way. As we allow our kids to struggle through and do household duties, they will get better at the jobs and see themselves as responsible to help!

Often, farm kids are not excited about waking up early or being interrupted to do chores. Yet, once they started seeing the fruits of their labor, like the birth of a calf or the harvest of fresh vegetables, they have pride in their accomplishments. So see the training of your kids as a process. Overtime, if you stick with expecting your kids to help, they will become teens who are able to manage parts of the household.

Raising Kids with Grit: Lessons from the Farm

Farm life, with its inherent responsibilities and endless opportunities for innovation, teaches kids the priceless lesson that their actions have power, and their contribution matters. In doing so, it lays the groundwork for them to become responsible teenagers and, eventually, successful adults.

By examining the lessons learned on the farm, parents can train and build resiliency in their kids whether they live on a big farm, a small homestead or in town.

Want more support and tips for raising responsible teens? Well, I wrote a whole book that is just FOR YOU:) My book, Raising Responsible and Resilient Teens: 10 Secret Parenting Solutions That Work, breaks it all down for you! And it is a quick read. Lots of actionable tips and zero fluff! Grab your must read copy here over on Amazon!